INTRODUCTION

It is my intention, through my stories, to try to relate to everyone the pain, suffering, and sadness an orphan feels after reaching adulthood. What I wish for you to remember, when you are reading my stories and after you have finished them, is that the pain and sadness that you feel while reading these stories will disappear within a minute, an hour, a day, or a week. You will once again return to your normal life, with your normal feelings. The orphan forever remains in that state of sadness and loneliness--a state that you will experience only while reading his or her stories.

OOOOOO"Child Abuse Killed Me
OOOOOoooOFrom The Inside Out"

------------------PPPPPPPPPPP---------- Roger Dean Kiser

This is the part that I have never been able to get over, a part that I have never been able to remove from my life, even as an adult. This sadness and suffering has become who I am as a person. It is who I wake up with every morning of my life. Asking an orphan to just "grab himself up by the boot straps" and put this sadness behind himself would be like asking you to forget that two plus two equals four. Once the sadness equation has been taught to you or drilled into your head for years and years, it can not be forgotten or erased. It is impossible for the orphan to forget sadness or loneliness. Those of you who have lost a mother or a father (or both) might be able to understand to some extent. It is a sadness that tears your heart out by the core. Most of you who lose your parents will overcome that sadness because you will have the good memories of all the devotion, guidance, tenderness, hugs, and--most of all--the love that they left with you. You are able to "get over it" because you will have a memory of good things to hold onto and to carry you onward. The orphan has none of those things; there are no good, kind, or loving things for him or her to remember. So when there is no love to remember, the only thing left to remember is the hate. Please remember that the orphan lives every day of his or her life with that horrible feeling of sadness and loneliness. Please don't forget that.

It is not the physical pain that endangers most orphans. It is the mental pain, pain caused by stress from years and years of being neglected, pushed aside, disregarded, unloved, and made to feel undeserving. In almost all cases, the orphan is made to feel like a possession rather than an equal human being. But there is one key element that is the real cause of the orphan's problem. It is the lack of "unconditional love," the given right to be accepted as a child and to be loved as a child, no matter what you do.

Orphans must always, from their first day in the orphanage, "walk the line." Any variation from that "line" and the orphan will be thrown away, discarded like a piece of trash. The orphan knows that very well. The orphanage makes sure the orphans know it and that they do not forget it. That is the one thing for which orphans will never forgive the orphanage. The reason for this lack of forgiveness on the part of orphans is that they, for the remainder of their lives, will feel undeserving of love, devotion, and equality.

However, orphans will succeed in life, but only because they rule and structure their lives with their thought processes rather than with their emotional processes. It is, therefore, in my opinion, the orphanage that is solely responsible for the creation of the world's first "HUMAN ROBOTS."

 

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